My Nose Against the Glass

It was as if I were really there. I could see them. Hear them. Feel the breeze ruffle my hair. Feel the coolness of the glass against the tip of my nose and the tips of my fingers. The glass room was host to a lively party filled with dancing, laughing, dining on the feast laden tables. The party looked like such fun! And I was on the outside, left out.

The vision I had on that May morning almost two years ago was so clear in my mind that it tingled all of my senses. Have you ever had visions like that? Ones that are crystal clear in your memories? I have had a few and I’ve learned that they are always meant to get my attention. They are meant to make me focus on something that I have been too blind to see. They tell me it is time to ponder and to look a bit deeper at myself, my actions and my beliefs.

At that time at 44 years old, I had successfully avoided looking closely at what I truly believed and not believed about my spirituality. I had glanced over the subject a few times, attended various churches and admitted that I did believe in a higher power. But what was that higher power? I choose not to really ponder it and was satisfied with my glibness about the subject. The May morning came in the midst of some major challenges in my life. I was overwhelmed, not sure how to drag myself from bed many mornings and could not see a path for things to be better. Perhaps you’ve been there too at some point? Perhaps you are there now?

I had the clear feeling that morning from that vivid vision that it was time for me to take a long, hard look at what I truly believed about God. That launched me into a summer of research. I read many books, talked to many people, spent hours researching online. Truthfully, I was set on proving to myself that organized religion was a joke. To prove that the Bible was stories made up by men in power to try to turn people into puppets. I pulled out all the classic questions like…if Adam and Eve were the first two people, where did everyone else come from? How does the Bible explain dinosaurs that we know existed for sure?

By that fall, I believed that the Bible was a historic document. I believed that God was not only by my side but had always been there patiently waiting for me to take the time to look. That summer changed my life in immeasurable ways that I’m sure I could never fully put into words. Life still certainly has many challenges but I have a much greater sense of peace about them and a confidence that all will be okay.

The challenges of that May morning still exist but since then I’ve see stepping stones toward answers and I’ll be forever thankful that I took the time to look. To think. To research. To talk with others. Time is truly one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. Last weekend, I celebrated my baptism and am more and more excited to see where my next steps lead me! This week I invite to you stop for a bit and look around. What is right in front of you that you are not seeing because you are so busy? What pathways have vines draped across that you only need to lift to see a new way to travel? Stop my friends. Ponder. Dig a bit deeper into who you really are. Go explore my friends…go explore!